Hurling Pellets into the Pond to Feed the Eels, Lucille Reflects on the Inevitability of Loneliness

by Malina Douglas

and the likelihood of finding someone who loathes eels far outweighs someone who doesn’t—such squirmy things, her mother says, why don’t you get a cat? but her mother cannot sit still long enough to see, that eels are more than wriggly, they shapeshift in a way Lucille yearns to, growing from saltwater larvae to translucent glass eels, darkening to elvers as they migrate into freshwater, current-surfing, waterfall leaping, till their eyes enlarge and their heads become pointed; like knights to the tournament, they embark on the final voyage, through gutters and drainage pipes, across muddy fields, drawn by the tug of the waves till they launch into the ocean and swim, thousands of k’s to their spawning grounds, and Lucille cannot fathom how; she swings her legs on the ledge and pulls pellets from her pocket and no one ever joins her and that’s okay, she tells herself, even though it’s not.

On a rainy day she sits under an umbrella, as eels writhe and drops stipple the water, looks to the opposite bank and there’s a man in a yellow raincoat, dropping in pellets till the eels swirl and Lucille steals looks at him, catches saltwater eyes and a fishtail smile, expecting him to vanish but each day he returns, feeding the eels, so she asks him for pellets and then he’s beside her, wellies dangling, words flowing through her, stirring inner oceans, and when he says let’s go somewhere, she says the sea, and he takes her hand and they walk towards the sea, tramping muddy fields, along drains and canals till the land falls away to a blue-grey forever and they wade to their knees, and Lucille expands, her squashed, locked-up feelings uncurling, released, as they stomp and splash, delighting in the salt-slosh together.

Malina Douglas weaves stories that fuse the fantastic and the real. She explores ruins, caves and jagged rocks that could be the homes of monsters, ghosts or trolls. She was shortlisted by the Four Palaces Prize and received an Honourable Mention from the Writers of the Future Contest. Publications include Cast of Wonders, Wyldblood, Sanitarium IV, and The Periodical Forlorn. Anthologies include Odin by Flame Tree Press, Out of the Darkness by Wolfsinger Publications, From the Yonder IV, and A Krampus Carol. Find her on X or BlueSky @iridescentwords.